[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4752: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4754: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4755: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4756: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
Strangeways • View topic - Awful Jokes

Awful Jokes

Anything you wanna say, say it!

Postby OrwellThatEndsWell » Wed Aug 08, 2007 10:48 pm

A traffic copper by the roadside sees a truck go by, and on the back are about 2 dozen penguins, bouncing and swaying all over the place. After chasing and stopping the truck, the copper asks the driver: "Do you realise you've got about 2 dozen penguins on the back of your truck, bouncing and swaying all over the place; and what a road safety hazard they represent?"
The driver says:"I know. I'm sorry about that. I'm taking them to the zoo."
The copper tells the driver to proceed with caution.
Next day, the copper sees the same truck go by, again with about 2 dozen penguins on the back. Stopping the driver, the copper asks: "Didn't you tell me yesterday that you were taking those penguins to the zoo?" The driver says: "I did! We had a lovely time. Today I'm taking them to the pictures."
I'll purse it, aye the highway is my hope. His heart's not great that fears a little rope!
OrwellThatEndsWell
Advanced
 
Posts: 73
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:40 pm
Location: Ayrshire

Postby rubygirl » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:24 pm

Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
rubygirl
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 4015
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: the room downstairs...

Postby OrwellThatEndsWell » Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:00 pm

I'll purse it, aye the highway is my hope. His heart's not great that fears a little rope!
OrwellThatEndsWell
Advanced
 
Posts: 73
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:40 pm
Location: Ayrshire

Postby rubygirl » Fri Aug 24, 2007 10:24 am

I did what you told me...
I sent all the emails to 10 people like you said.
I'm still waiting for that surprise & miracle to happen ..

Image
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
rubygirl
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 4015
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: the room downstairs...

Postby Pashernate_Lover » Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:41 am

A note upon his desk
"P.S. Bring Me Home And Have Me!"
Leather elbows on a tweed coat
-Oh!-
Is THAT the best you can do ?
So came his reply :
"But on the desk is where I want you!"
Pashernate_Lover
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 2601
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 2:39 am
Location: Santa Cruz, California

Postby helmoz » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:54 pm

<a href="http://www.nerve.com/pickupedia/Nerdy.ashx" target="_blank">http://www.nerve.com/pickupedia/Nerdy.ashx</a>




Image
User avatar
helmoz
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:43 pm
Location: sussex by the sea (england)

Postby Lorimoz » Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:59 pm

Image

Nobody loves us
User avatar
Lorimoz
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 6:06 pm
Location: London/Italy

Postby rubygirl » Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:00 pm

The chicken and the hog were walking all day long, they got really hungry and decided, let's go eat somewhere.
So they went looking and there was a diner in the distance, as they approached, they saw the huge sign HAM&EGGS.
Both stood in silence for a while, then the chicken said, 'Let's come in, let's eat.'
'Oh', the hog replied, 'see,I am not going in, because all they want from you is a donation and from me they want total commitment.'
Last edited by rubygirl on Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
rubygirl
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 4015
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: the room downstairs...

Postby chicken » Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:37 pm

Image
Image
chicken
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 2445
Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 7:53 pm
Location: an insomnia rehab centre; Salina, Kansas

Postby rubygirl » Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:56 pm

Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
rubygirl
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 4015
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: the room downstairs...

Postby Boxguy » Thu Oct 18, 2007 12:36 pm

Image
Boxguy
Site Admin
 
Posts: 976
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:42 pm
Location: Stillwater, Oklahoma

Postby Truman Capote » Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:17 pm

Image
Image
User avatar
Truman Capote
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 2138
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:54 pm
Location: Home/Shelter for the Rural Poor, Montevideo.

Postby Lorimoz » Mon Nov 05, 2007 5:36 pm

<!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->A man with a 25 inch long weenie goes to his doctor to complain that he

is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more
than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there
anything you can do for me?

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do
know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him
directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my weenie is
25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are
my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I
think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into
the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog
sitting on a log. This frog has magical powers. You must say to frog,
will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less
to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out
to the frog, "Will you marry me?"
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO!"
The man looked down and suddenly his wee was 5 inches shorter.

"WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" However he realized it's
still too long at 20 inches, so he asked the frog to marry him again."
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his pants, looked down, and it was another
5 inches shorter.

The man laughed,"This is fantastic." He looked down again, 15 inches
long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster,
just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond
and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times
do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
Image

Nobody loves us
User avatar
Lorimoz
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Fri Apr 14, 2006 6:06 pm
Location: London/Italy

Postby rubygirl » Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:13 pm

Image
Color me red when I'm feeling blue.
rubygirl
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 4015
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: the room downstairs...

Postby helmoz » Thu Dec 06, 2007 2:06 am





Image
User avatar
helmoz
Smiths Nut!
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:43 pm
Location: sussex by the sea (england)

PreviousNext

Return to General Chat

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests

cron