Minor thing - 'your' should really be 'you're', or 'you are'. Although thinking about it, it does sort of make sense, like it is your sorry, as if the sorry was an actual thing. I don't know.
Last edited by elko on Sat Apr 09, 2005 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Th rhythm could be worked on I think, I would never be as uncooth as to offer suggestions, but some of the lines don't seem to fit in time when you read it. However, you might have a different approach to it.