My lyrics

[Beorn_J]

hi all <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->

Im currently writing an album about the issues/problems/themes of life, in chronological order

As i finish the lyrics ill post em here...


Well this is one I just finished. and im writing the music to it right now.
Its about obbsession, its loosely based on 'the collecter' by john fowles (i think thats his name anyway.....)


As A Painting

(Verse 1)
I saw our future my love
We shall live a life of beauty
You're perfect, a work of art
You must belong to me

(Chorus)
I want you as a painting
To keep inside my home
To admire every night
No one will ever know

(Verse 2)
You're such a beautiful thing
So delicate and pure
I cant escape my madness
But you could ease what I endure

(Chorus)
I want you as a painting
To keep inside my home
To admire every night
No one will ever know

(Bridge)
You are my obsession,
The fuel of my insanity

You will grow to love me
You will never leave
For if I cant have you
No one ever will

(Chorus)
I want you as a painting
To keep inside my home
To admire every night
No one will ever know

[Still Ill]

Good stuff, Beorn J. I like the second verse. I had to do a little catch-up on The Collector. Forgot Terrence Stamp was in the movie...Hm, another old movie I've got to check out.

[chicken]

i like that too.
and it is SO eerily close to how i've felt about a few lads i've known...gad <!--emo&:blink:--><!--endemo-->

[Beorn_J]

thanks guys <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->and it is SO eerily close to how i've felt about a few lads i've known<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

obsession can screw with your mind hey?

[chicken]

beorn-
the more i read it, the more i like it.
one thing i toy with that seems successful is to contrast profoundly sparse lines with other lines that seem to linger on farrrrrr toooooo long. (ala Beck)
that seems to create a contrast.
you might try toying with that where you want the contrast the most.

example: to make things sparse, in verse two eliminate "so" and "but" because the words that follow already imply that. does that make a lick of sense?
if you played with it the right way, then you could tack on some extra words to the chorus that follows that fade into the background. who says a chorus always has to be the same, afterall? use the basic structure, blend it into the musical harmonics, and have some fun with it, lead us listeners down into the rabbit-hole!!

either that or disregard my opinions and WOW me with some mystical musicianship...which might have the same effect, just without words.

[Beorn_J]

great suggestions chicken. I will probably use a few of them. thanks! <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->

Update: It is now about the problems a negletted (and motherless) child faces throughout his life. including social awkwardness, addictions, isolation, obsession.

This will be the opener for the album, it is quite soppy and simple.. The song will be mostly an instrumental, with long breaks between the two halves.

Birth

From bloodied pain to
the sweet embrace of air
From loneliness to
his father's care

I will show you the highest mountains
All the beauty of the world

and when I hold you
I hope you will always smile
And I plan to
Give you everything in time
And I plan to
give you everything in time....

From bloodied pain to
the sweet embrace of air
From loneliness to
his father's care...

I will show you the golden sunsets
All the wonders of the world

and when I hold you
I hope you will always smile
And I plan to
Give you everything in time
And I plan to
give you everything in time....

[Beorn_J]

heres another, about social paranoia/fear/awkwardness


Pushing You Closer to Me

(Verse 1)
Can you stop my silence?
I'm not certain..
Forgive my faults, Allow me to breathe
Dont talk to the insane
Dont drag me into this game

(Chorus)
Pushing you closer to me
Pushing you closer to me...

(Verse 2)
Release the illusion
I'm not waking up..
Am I a friend? Or a friend in need
Please don't give up
No don't give up..

(Chorus)
Pushing you closer to me
Pushing you closer to me..

(Bridge)
Give and take
Or is that a mistake?
But please dont give up

This isn't me
A cut on your heel
Please dont give up
Please dont give up on me

Am I pushing you closer to me?

[chicken]

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Forgive my faults, Allow me to breathe<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
brilliant. reminds me of something i was trying to convey in a horrendously lengthy poem...here's the snippet:
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Please forgive my infantile behavior,
  So few others have…and I thank you…
  Percival must find his Graile,
    His mercy
    somewhere.
  My nuzzling and grasping reflexes, I am as newborn
  I have missed them terribly, I am lonely without them, grievous.
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

and

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Am I a friend? Or a friend in need<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
eeerrmmm....are you somehow writing this about my favorite neurosis? heh...
that's great, a bold question and one unfortunately too relevant to most people i fear.

and my fav line:
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->This isn't me
A cut on your heel<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> is that an achilles reference? perhaps i'm reading too much into it. regardless, it's so short and sharp.
very nice. keep these coming beorn!! <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->

[Beorn_J]

thanks chicken <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->brilliant.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

i changed that to 'help me to breathe' still good?

i like that snippet of the poem very much! how long have you been writing?


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->eeerrmmm....are you somehow writing this about my favorite neurosis? heh...
that's great, a bold question and one unfortunately too relevant to most people i fear.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

i liked it too, thats what i always fear in social situations... its a question that is always in my mind.

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->is that an achilles reference?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

i thought of that after i wrote it too. what i meant is Am i something that is annoying you/holding you back

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->keep these coming beorn!!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

will do!!

[chicken]

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->i changed that to 'help me to breathe' still good?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> actually i think that change is a better fit to what you are trying to convey overall in the work. yep, that's a good change. would it still work if you removed the word "to", or do you still need that for the rhythm of the words?

that snippet is from an on-going work called "pulling bulbs" which i started about three years ago and is now up to four pages. it is a horrendously emotional poem about my last relationship and how it ended. at one point in the work, i refer to myself as "noah with split timbers"......which i think is one of the most poignant things i've ever penned in my life. i'm glad you liked the snippet.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->how long have you been writing? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> my whole life, but taking it seriously only within the last three years as i was finally able to find a mentor who is utterly brilliant and willing to guide my sophomoric attempts.

social situations.....i find it ironic that we are social critters by nature yet some of us are threatened to our very bones by them.

re: "birth"
i'm not certain i get the images of neglect that you intend to form in that work. the way i read it as it stands now, i get the impression that it is about the hopes and dreams of a mother just after giving birth. i'm wondering what some of the other keen readers on this forum think, what overall message/vision they get from that work.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->including social awkwardness, addictions, isolation, obsession.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->do you know of a man named: "Viktor Frankl"? he's one of my true heroes; a brilliant psychiatrist who was sent to auschwitz. he survived and reinvented himself and his psychiatry because of it. he wrote about the existential vacuum inside of us all, and in today's world he called it the "Sunday Neurosis". he then went on to say how we try to fill that void with whatever we can, and usually we fall into the trappings and devises of the 'deadly triad' which includes anger, depression, and addiction. you might benefit from googling him and seeing what others have to say; i'm certain some of his writings convey the darkness you want to include. perhaps some of that stuff will give you a worthy spring-board to take it where you want to go.

[Beorn_J]

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->that snippet is from an on-going work called "pulling bulbs" <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

alrighty

have you got a page with all your works on it? i would like to have a look <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->but taking it seriously only within the last three years as i was finally able to find a mentor who is utterly brilliant and willing to guide my sophomoric attempts.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

oh okay, cool

ive been writing for about... a year and a bit.


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->i'm not certain i get the images of neglect that you intend to form in that work<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

the next two lyrics will show that. birth is supposed to show the father pledging everything to this child. in later lyrics you will see how he negletted them

[Beorn_J]

<!--QuoteBegin-chicken+May 15 2005, 01:47 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (chicken @ May 15 2005, 01:47 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->including social awkwardness, addictions, isolation, obsession.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->do you know of a man named: "Viktor Frankl"? he's one of my true heroes; a brilliant psychiatrist who was sent to auschwitz. he survived and reinvented himself and his psychiatry because of it. he wrote about the existential vacuum inside of us all, and in today's world he called it the "Sunday Neurosis". he then went on to say how we try to fill that void with whatever we can, and usually we fall into the trappings and devises of the 'deadly triad' which includes anger, depression, and addiction. you might benefit from googling him and seeing what others have to say; i'm certain some of his writings convey the darkness you want to include. perhaps some of that stuff will give you a worthy spring-board to take it where you want to go. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
no i dont know of him, ill be sure to check out his works, thank you

[Still Ill]

You're back Beorn. Now I have the chance to tell you 'in person' how much fun I've had reading your lyrics. I've never really been exposed to much poetry (except what was required in school), and I'll never try analyzing them the way I could as with music, I'm just amazed at the creative stuff everyone has posted here. I don't get a lot of it, beyond the obvious, but it's interesting to read. It's like poetry reader-in-training. Chicken's insight is something else, isn't it?

[Beorn_J]

hey thanks! <!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->

ive never been exposed to much poetry as well, and in school it was all 'alas' this and 'alas that' <!--emo&:rolleyes:--><!--endemo--> then i started really listening to lyrics and appreciating them, then i got into some poetry


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I don't get a lot of it, beyond the obvious, but it's interesting to read.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->


i love trying to understand lyrics/poems i dont quite get, makes it more interesting trying to figure out metaphors/symbolism and all that cool stuff! <!--emo&B)--><!--endemo-->


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Chicken's insight is something else, isn't it? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

indeed


<!--emo&:)--><!--endemo-->

[Beorn_J]

another one...

Kill Us All

(Verse 1)
I collapse into the chair
Let the moment seep past
Blood and sweat drip off my face
An eerie silence has been cast
If I'm taken by rage again
I will Kill us all

(Verse 2)
The air is filled with past loves
and their frightened eyes
In my hands I clutch brown curls
From the one I broke tonight
If I'm taken by rage again
I will Kill us all

(Bridge)
And it feels like the night before
When I hurt,
The other girls I adored
What can I do?
And it feels like the fight before
I was hurt,
by the girl that I adored
What did I do?

Oh What did I do?

(Verse 3)
She says she wont give up on me
They all do in the end...
I love her but I fear
of the places I could be sent
If she sets off the rage again
I will kill us all


im writing an absurdist play now... never written a play before