My lyrics

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Postby Beorn_J » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:34 am

one i wrote last night. this is the main character as a child


A Broken Home

On the cracked pavement a broken home
is examined by a child
He knows his Dad has returned once more

On the kitchen floor liqour bottles
are examined by a child
He knows his Dad has returned once more


'Your silencing glare
Denys me any precious care'

'And crying wont take
the bourban from your breath...
Or stop the blood
flowing from your bed...'

'Every night your drunken
words pierce my ears
But pleading for an end
wont make the nightmare..
disappear
disappear'

On the long walk from school to home,
life is examined by a child
He knows his Dad has destroyed it now

On the driveway of his broken home
death is examined by a child
His Dad wont be coming back anymore


The primal rage of a man
who lost his only cause
Strips his child's mind
of any self control

'Crying wont take
the bourban from your breath...
Or stop the blood
flowing from your head...'

'Every night your drunken
words still pierce my ears
But pleading for an end
wont make the nightmare..
disappear
disappear'
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Postby the_queen_is_dead » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:11 pm

<!--emo&:o-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--emo&:o-->Image<!--endemo--> <!--emo&:o-->Image<!--endemo--> awesome!

what did i tell you! hehe. i remember i once wrote a song quite like that, but no way near as expressive or, well, good!

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->'And crying wont take
the bourban from your breath...
Or stop the blood
        flowing from your bed...'<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

ooh i like that! sorry i'm not amazing at analysing stuff! <!--emo&<_<-->Image<!--endemo-->

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->'Every night your drunken
        words still pierce my ears
But pleading for an end
      wont make the nightmare..
                disappear
                disappear'<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

i'd like to hear that played as part of the song. i'm imagining that played in my head... lots of minor chords <!--emo&:o-->Image<!--endemo--> haha.
I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom.
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
the_queen_is_dead
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Postby Beorn_J » Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:33 am

hell yes minor chords! <!--emo&B)-->Image<!--endemo-->


<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->ooh i like that! sorry i'm not amazing at analysing stuff! <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

ha thats okay, a simple thumbs up or thumbs down is useful to me <!--emo&:)-->Image<!--endemo-->
Beorn_J
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Posts: 107
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:02 am

Postby chicken » Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:15 am

beorn--i'll be back on later when i'm less addle-headed.
getting turned down for the poetry thing sucks and i'm confused because they gave me no direct feedback about what the did or did not like. as you, i know how valuable good constructive criticism can be.

on the good side, i now feel as though i have the liberty to work on other things than my poetry. hopefully now i'll have the time to get a few things penned down for you to snag in your lyrical endeavours.
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