I got assigned the work of writing a piece of astonishing theatre, which means that there are going to be a bunch of over-dramatic werid twist ending, honestly bad scripts pouring in tomorrow, so I thought I would contribute to that by doing a script that was grounded in something dramatic that I have experienced (what happens when a parent dies? What does the other parent go through) but shape it to my sense of entertainment, because after all it is theatre. So I wrote something that I would want to see in a night of entertainment- it is short, and here it is.
An old couple is sitting in rocking chairs outside of their house reading- the one from a news paper the other from a Fabio-on-the-cover Romance Novel.Jospehine Henry- are you reading from the obituaries again?
Henry Yes dear.
Josephine But WHY Henry?
Henry Because that’s the only way I get to see my old friends again, of course.
Oh dear, come and have a look at this one
Josephine Oh just read it to me Henry, there is no need for me to get up and go all the way over there
Henry Johnathan Caroll, aged 37. Loving father and husband died in a car crash Monday night while taking his dog back from the vet. He will be sorely missed and survived by his wife, children and miraculously the family dog Cayenne. Services to be held on Saturday.
Josephine Why that’s terrible! I remember when little Johnny was just a boy coming over for cookies, and I remember how excited he was to move in next us with his darling little wife. Such a shame- he was so young! Oh, and right before Thanksgiving too! Oh, I’d better go call and express my sympathies- poor darling children left without a father…
Josephine continues to mumble to herself as she exits the upstage door. The lights fade on the old couple’s house and come up on the Caroll house. Mariella, Cedric and Claire walk in the house dressed in black and sniffing, eyes puffy from crying. The house is thoroughly trashed, there are torn up shoes and news paper fragment everywhere- pillows are on the ground and Cayenne is on the couch.Mariella What HAPPENED?!? Cayenne! Off the couch! Oh my G-d!!! Kids, put that dog outside for mommy or I swear I will kill it. I can’t take any more Cayenne time, kids- get him away from me.
Claire Come on Cayenne- Mom is being grumpy, she needs mommy time.
Cedric Mama- we have to be good to Cayenne, he’s all we have left of daddy
Mariella No honey, we have his clothes, his love and the both of you- you’re each ½ daddy, so together its almost like *begins to cry* he isn’t… even… gone
Claire and Cedric hug their mother, Cayenne walks up and pees on her legMariella GET THAT DOG OUT OF HERE!!!
Lights fade and come back up on a clean version of the house, Mariella is on the phone. During the scene Cayenne is seen sneaking up to Mariella’s purse and taking her keys in his mouth- he walks off with them.
Mariella Hello? Mom- hi…. I’m holdin’ up… the best I can. Its really hard though- it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow and I haven’t had one without John for 15 years *starts to tear up* I just… don’t know what I’m gunna’ do. I know I have to be there for the kids, but I feel so empty. And I have so much on my hands right now with the kids and Cayenne. Yeah, I know! He died dealing with the health of that damn dog- and the Cayenne fucking lived! Mom, deal with it, I’m almost 40, I say fuck. That fucking dog Cayenne pissed on my paper this morning- and on my leg the other day. AND she ripped apart my favorite pillow on the day of the funeral AND she crapped in my slippers. I don’t even know how she did it either, she got it so far into the slipper that I couldn’t even see it! And the kids, they love that stupid dog so much- they say that its all they have left of their daddy. No, no mom, Cayenne is NOT all they have left! All he is is a mutt, nothing more- a mutt that we picked up out of a box on the corner. Oh shit, I’m late picking up the kids from therapy- I love you mom, but I gotta go, bye.
Mariella checks her purse for her keysMariella CAYENNE!!!!!!!!!
Lights fade and come back up on Mariella in the kitchen, it is Thanksgiving and she is preparing a small feast for Claire, Cedric and herself. She is crying in a chair while various pots boil peacefully, she is wearing an apron and using it to dry her tears- Claire walks in and hugs her.Claire I know mommy- I miss him too. Are you okay
Mariella Yeah sugarbear, I’m okay, I just really wish your daddy was here, but hey- lets not talk about it today- lets just give thanks that we still have each other sweet pea.
Claire And Cayenne
Mariella Why don’t you go play with your brother honey, dinner will be ready really soon, baby girl.
Claire Okay Mommy- I love you
Mariella I love you too, darlin’
Claire exits stage left, a timer goes off and Mariella wipes her tears, takes the turkey out of the oven and sets it on the table. She turns to the stove and strains the water out of the potatoes and gets the necessary butter, milk, salt, pepper and masher to make mashed potatoes. While she prepares the potatoes Cayenne walks in and stealthily jumps on the table- he begins to eat the turkey and rub himself alllll over it. Cayenne then pushes the turkey with her front paws until it falls off the table with a crash. Mariella jumps, screams and turns around. Claire and Cedric come running in
Cedric Oh no! Mommy! The turkey fell on the ground- what happened?
Claire Does that mean we don’t get a Thanksgiving dinner, mommy?
Mariella No honey, we’ll definitely have something to eat this year, just go out
back now and play- I’ll make something else.
Cedric Come on Cayenne
Mariella No honey, Cayenne is on restriction, she has to stay in the kitchen with mommy
Claire I thought that you hated Cayenne, mommy….
Mariella No no honey! Cayenne is a reeeal treat
Mariella smiles at Cayenne, Cayenne whimpers and backs off into the corner, the kids leave the kitchen and Mariella walks up to Cayenne.
Mariella You and I both know it buddy- its you or me. You have done everything you could to ruin my life- you took my husband from me, you desecrate everything I hold sacred and you are trying to take my children away from me. Oh yes Cayenne, you are a real treat.
Lights fade and come back up on Mariella, Claire and Cedric sitting at a table that is loaded down with food. The only thing that is missing from the perfect Thanksgiving dinner is a turkey, which has been replaced by a fried meat of some sort
Cedric Wow Mom- this is really good- why haven’t you ever made it before?
Mariella I never really had the chance honey- so you really like it? I do, I think its great
Claire It tastes kind of… funny, mommy. Whats in it?
Mariella Well, it’s spices, bread crumbs, eggs, and a whole lot of Cayenne.
Finis.What can I say, I guess I am just a twisted person
